The Nonviolent Communication Process
Speaking and Hearing without Blame or Demands
Do you have a difficult issue going on in your life? How do you communicate about it without judgment, blame, criticism, or demands? I found a way to speak that is free of these things, that works for me very well for 30 years now: You say what is going on, then your feelings, needs, and requests. It is called Compassionate Communication, or Non-Violent Communication.
An example is, “When you spoke to my team without going through me, I felt worried that they might get mixed messages. I want to protect them from confusion. In the future, would you talk to me first?”
The Nonviolent Communication Process: Speaking and Hearing without Blame or Demands https://www.cnvc.org/
I highly recommend the cornerstone book, Nonviolent Communication, Language of Life:
https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X
Here is the formula:
Speaking: (when you speak to others)
1. Observations: What I see, hear, remember, imagine (free from evaluation or judgment)
2. Feelings: How I feel (rather than think) about what I observe
3. Needs: What I need, value, or want
4. Requests: The concrete action I would like taken: “Would you be willing to…?”
Hearing: (when you listen to others, ask:)
1. Observations: What they see, hear, remember, imagine
2. Feelings: How they feel about what they observe
3. Needs: What they need, value, or want
4. Requests: The concrete action they would like taken: “Would you like…?”
Compiled by:
Bess McCarty, The Real Conversations Coach for Business and Life
For groups: www.nonviolentcommunication.org
For books: www.nonviolentcommunication.com: